Mixed Signals
Any sufficiently advanced information is indistinguishable from noise
Thursday 23 November 2006, 4:19 PM
Top Ten Things Wrong With Zune
Yeah, we know. Won't work with Microsoft's oh-so-ironically labelled Plays For Sure, won't work with Vista, won't work with the Mac, has really really naff DRM, has wasted its Wi-Fi and requires you to buy a non-convertible currency called Points before you can actually get music. It's a hideous car-crash of a product.
But those aren't the reasons Zune is doomed to become known as the New Coke of failure in the drinks holder of the Edsel of marketing misfires. Here are ten much better reasons to point and openly mock
10 It wants to be an iPod. Look at it. Fake scroll wheel. Fake iTunes. Fake buzz. Comes in black and white. Five years to come up with something new, and this?
9 . It so fails to be an iPod. It comes in brown. Brown! It's fatter, it's heavier, it looks like a lump of robot poo from a big, fat, heavy robot. Do you want robo-poo in your pocket? From a fat robot? Exactly.
8. ZuneScene are selling it in the States with the tagline "Dude, you're getting a Zune." Not only is this a recycled tagline, it's recycled from Dell - possibly the lowest-rent source of high-tech ideas outside Dixons.
7. Microsoft is selling it in the States with the tagline "Welcome to the Social". My uncle used to go down the Social. It was a frightening place full of coffin-dodgers trying to hide from the Grim Reaper behind a smokescreen of Benson and Hedges. It smelled of at least six things at once, none of them good. The only technology they had was a 78RPM record player and hearing aids with valves in. Is this how Microsoft wants us to think of Zune?
6. Zune 1.5? Two words. Orange. Pink.
5. The accessories are even uglier than the Zune itself. There are these things called Speck cases, which make the Zune look like the sole of a Doc Marten boot, like it's stuffed inside one of those gym shoes with the silly rubber dimples around the toes, or like it's been pushed into a big, big wad of chewing gum and pulled half out. These are bad things. These are embarrasing things. This is the world you'll enter if you buy a Zune, dude.
4 Zune Masters. Microsoft is trying to recruit college kids to go out there and evangelise about the Zune to their friends. Qualify, and you're called a Zune Master. The only good thing about this is that if they try it here, the poor saps will have the robo-poo beaten out of them faster than a first generation iPod drained its batteries. And did Apple ever need an iPod master? Quite.
3 They're not selling it here until 2008. Why should the Americans have all the fun watching Microsoft making a complete arse of itself for more than a year? It's bad enough them keeping the good telly.
2 www.zune.net - the home page. Go on, take a look. Not only did Microsoft fail to get zune.com, but the dot net looks like it was put together by a fourteen year old in 1997 using a 'My first web site' primer from Computer Newbie magazine and Notepad.. And the main graphic looks like a young man straining at stool.
1 If it succeeds, we'll get to see Steve Ballmer jumping around on stage in a tight black poloneck jumper.
PreviousComments on this post
Haha, nice ..
I must confess that I have been uninspired by all DRM protected portable media players for quite some time -- including the iPod. Yes I understand it is nice and convenient to have something which can plug into a tailored site to download specific format media at will, but I'd rather have a decent sized mp3 player with standardised formats and a decent battery life to carry around.
To me, browsable menu systems should always be something orientated around intuitive navigation. It doesn't need to be pretty and it doesn't need to have scroll wheels or special "tilting the machine" navigation systems. Don't get me wrong, they are pretty cool, but I wouldn't want to fork out another 20% of money and 40% of space required to get them.
Give me something that allows me to store a thousand or so songs, last for 10 hours solid on 2 AA batteries and not fall apart or crack when it gets sat on. Add to that intuitive album / artist / title browsability and good playlist handling, and possibly even some wireless transfer of files system (copyright material transfer being avoided of course) and I'll be happy.
Still, Microsoft have always prospered using the principle of strong advertising over strong products, and with their success, who can blame them for trying again.
Thanks for the entertaining read!
- Graham
Grow up.
10. Get over it, the Zune isn't trying to BE the iPod, it's trying to COMPETE with the iPod.
9. see 10. The market has shown that people like black and white; if you don't like the brown, don't buy one - it's not that hard.
8. ZuneScene isn't affiliated with Microsoft. Their re-usage of the "Dude you're getting a..." tagline isn't original. It's almost as overused as the "Got Milk" tagline. If you're going to bash ZuneScene, write another article and don't embarrass yourself in this one.
7. Do you really think that Microsoft’s target market is people like your uncle? Think about it, Microsoft isn’t referring to your uncle’s “social,” they are referring to sharing music.
6. What does this even mean? The orange and pink units were shipped to individuals, Microsoft hasn’t announced any plans for mass distribution of the orange and pink units. Do some research before publishing.
5. Many of the Zune accessories look virtually identical to the iPod accessories. If you have a problem with one of them, DON’T BUY IT; again, it’s not that complicated.
4. Microsoft is taking a different marketing strategy than Apple. They’re not recruiting the kids, they’re trying to SELL THEIR PRODUCT. Get over it. If you don’t want to be a “Zune Master,” don’t sign up for the program. Do some research beforehand.
3. If you want one, move to the US. If you don’t, as you’re making obscenely obvious in this article, DON’T BUY ONE. If European governments were more cooperative, the product would be available there now. Do some research and make sure you’re blaming the right people.
2. Have you seen the site, or are you just making things up?
1. If you don’t want to see Ballmer making a fool of himself, don’t watch it. It’s that simple.
Before embarrassing yourself with a poorly written article with no real information, do some research or don’t write anything. You may not want one, but many other consumers have already purchased them. If you want to be angry about something, bitch about global warming.
This comment has been deleted at the users request
This comment has been deleted at the users request
Hi, RayCT
It isn't actually a sober, reflective analysis of the Zune. And I wasn't really angry. Honest.
While I haven't seen one yet (and won't for a while, I suspect), and I do have considerable reservations about a number of MS's design and implementation decisions, at heart it's not that different from everyone else's little box of digital media. And I quite like the brown livery - even if I'd prefer to see some with marbling.
If it cheers you up, you can see this post as a mickey-take on the over-the-top feeding frenzy going on elsewhere about the Zune. I don't really think that the MS slogan puts people in mind of 78 rpm record players and bakelite hearing aids, even if I find the juxtaposition of concepts tickles my wotsits.
As for things that matter: how about the fact that every cow in the European Union gets subsidised by $2.50 a day - which is more than 75 percent of Africans have to live on? That's more worth thinking on than the immoderate, facetious rant of a hack on bits of consumer gizmology.
Rupert,
You may not have noticed - or maybe you did - that Microsoft has invested a lot of money in promoting the Zune at a grass roots level - this has included paying bloggers to talk up the product and to respond to blogs like yours.
So, admittedly it looks like I fall into this category, if you check to see the profiles of the people who have responded to your blog they are one off posters to the site who signed up just to respond to your comments.
You do the math.
I have been to a store here in the US and played with one - it's OK but it ain't no ipod. Zune isn't about the Zune. It's about the usual method of dealing with a market that MS doesn't own... which is to attempt to poison the market. So we get MS getting into bed with Universal and and giving them a dollar for each one sold - so that when contract time with Apple comes up next year then Universal can have something to bargain with...
Same with the Novell deal - I suspect MS are actually priming for a new OS - the one that will come after Vista - and will be MS linux based - like OSX is Unix based. But only time will tell.
This comment has been deleted at the users request
Its funny because the only people to bash the zune are clearly iPod owners. The best excuse they can come up with is "It trys to be an iPod!!" Seriously STFU and go play with your iPod. "Robo-Poo"? What are you like 10 years old? Oh I forgot that your british and have a horrible sense of humor. You also bash its accessories. That is clearly a sign that you have no basis to what you are writing and are clearly one of those "I'm trying to fit in with all the cool kids" people. Because the only people who are afraid to try something new are the people that bash new products that come onto the market. Get a life and STFU.
What an absolute joke of an article.
You really should read this, it applies to you.
http://zuneboards.com/10-Signs-the-Zune-Review-Was-Written-By-An-iFanBoy-t-586.html
You've heard those "You know you're a redneck if..." jokes, well my friend "You know you're a pathetic iPod fanboy if..." and you just fulfilled virtually every single one of those points.
Congrats, you officially wrote a bunch of useless mumbling.
Go back your pathetic iPod and your trendy mac, have fun with that.
John -
There are a lot of odd little wrinkles about Zune. (The Universal tax is particularly nasty - why on earth? And are the artists getting a cent? Ho ho ho...).
The idea that MS is going to build stuff around Linux is intriguing, but I'm not sure it works with their business model. The Novell deal may have been the first attempt to weld the two together, but it's not exactly been a promising start if so.
xxesmus -
It's a fair cop. I was tech. ed. of MacUser a _very_ long time ago. Apple hasn't talked to me since, which is probably best for both of us, and my fanboy status sort of ran out during MacOS 9.something. But I _did_ like what Woz did with the IWM. Now that's class.
Rupert,
The real problem of the Zune is that there is nothing to get passionate about. The things that most people don't like about the ipod - DRM etc. are in fact multiplied by MS in the Zune... And it's not obvious to the purchasers either...
I was in a game stop two days after the launch and the guy behind the counter was raving about the song transfer features - two of the lads who worked there we standing in a film queue swapping albums.
He was blissfully unaware of the 3 plays / 3 days limitation of the Zune. On all music - whether you bought it or not. Heaven forbid if you wrote it and wanted to give your music to your mates - your songs will still be wrapped in DRM for your protection...
And please don't tell me about the fact the unit will be hacked to allow people to do things like that because that really is hypocritical when you have the boss - Balmer - saying that most of the music on an iPod is stolen.
QUOTE: "Yeah, we know. Won't work with Microsoft's oh-so-ironically labelled Plays For Sure, won't work with Vista, won't work with the Mac, has really really naff DRM, has wasted its Wi-Fi and requires you to buy a non-convertible currency called Points before you can actually get music. It's a hideous car-crash of a product."
1. It will work with Vista, obviously. Once it does, will you be happy?
2. It has a lot less DRM than the iPod, as anyone who has bothered to do one iota of independent research would know.
3. You have a "buy" credit on UK iTunes, too. It doesn't matter if they use "points" (which can be used on XBox Live, for example) or pieces of eight, it's exactly the same as iTunes outside of the US.
4. The "PlaysForSure" thing is just horrible and wrong. We can only hope they'll add compatibility.
Bonus points: You can share music from your Zune with five other people's computers (can't do that on an iPod). It has 50% larger screen than the iPod video. It plays more video formats than the iPod video. For £96 a year you can download as many songs as you like. Think about that: As many albums as you like! Whatever you fancy, whenever you fancy.
It's amazing to me how many paid journalists are taken in by Apple's marketing machine, and incapable of seeing past an unpopular brand to see the actual product.
Simple case and point: Would you call the iPod a "train wreck"?
Someone should write a book.
QUOTE: He was blissfully unaware of the 3 plays / 3 days limitation of the Zune. On all music - whether you bought it or not. Heaven forbid if you wrote it and wanted to give your music to your mates - your songs will still be wrapped in DRM for your protection...
Does anyone really believe that Microsoft would allow people just to zap music to each other for free?! They'd be sued by Sony, Universal and Warner for all they were worth! (Remember Napster?)
Quote:
2. It has a lot less DRM than the iPod, as anyone who has bothered to do one iota of independent research would know.
Explain please... how coating everything in DRM with the ZUNE even music you write and record yourself - you know - with instruments and voices is less restrictive than the ipod - which ONLY has DRM on the music purchased from the itunes music store?
Also,
Any chance that real people could respond as opposed to one hit wonders? Rupert? How does your message system work - is there any way to ascertain if these people on the board are just the same person responding with different logins?
QUOTE: Bonus points:
>>You can share music from your Zune with five other people's computers (can't do that on an iPod).
If you have an itunes account it can be shared on up to five other computers.
>>It has 50% larger screen than the iPod video.
but the same resolution
>>It plays more video formats than the iPod video.
Fine
>>For £96 a year you can download as many songs as you like. Think about that: As many albums as you like! Whatever you fancy, whenever you fancy.
Except when you stop paying and all your music disappears. Think about that you don't own the music you download and have no right to it if you stop paying MS...
Golly. Can't a chap make a joke around here?
Anyway. Ballmer. He's the one who says that iPods are full of stolen music, and that Linux contains Microsoft IP. It's the other guy - wosname, Gates? - who says that he learned how to code by dumpster diving for other people's listings, and who watches sports on YouTube. Perhaps these guys should get their story straight?
DRM - well, I've never bought a song on iTunes, and if I ever buy a CD that I can't rip because of faffery I take it back. I don't do that sort of DRM. My iPod plays MP3s, as do my other music players (I think I must have about five by now. The only one I never use is the Sony, because that has truly, truly, TRULY hideous software). I'm lucky, because I live near to some huge record shops and there are online services like bleep.com who provide the sort of music I like encoded to a high standard (does nobody have ears any more?) without DRM.
The primary stupidty is the PlaysForSure thing. In a stroke, MS has demonstrated (1) when it names something, it means the opposite (Genuine Advantage, anyone?); (2) all those scare stories that Richard Stallman uses to terrify children - "DRM means the Nasty Big Corporates can take away your rights! It means that every time you upgrade - YOU PAY AGAIN!" - are actually true. Yes, this is how they see it - and us. And seen how WMP 11 lets you back up your licences?
If DRM did what it was advertised to do and nothing else, then that would be one thing. (It does, of course, with cable and satellite digital TV. That's DRM It doesn't get in the way of me doing anything. I still think it's a waste of their time and money). But it doesn't - it doesn't stop anyone getting hold of anything without buying it, but it does stop users playing paid-for content as they wish.
And anyone who thinks you can't copy music from an iPod has never plugged one into a friend's machine and pointed iTunes at it.
Vista? I could care less! It's just a sign of how Microsoft is so massively untogether, man. Of course it will work with Vista - there are patches already out there to do it - but it's the way MS can roll out two major components to what I suppose we must call its digital home strategy in the same month without them working together. It's a terrible advertisment for the company's ability to create a plausible narrative.
And what, it _doesn't_ look like an iPod?
John -
Our system can reveal various things about posters, but nothing too shocking.
I hope that people choose to stick around and get known. Anonymous, aggressive posters do not make good advertisements for their points of view, and that's a shame.
I too fill my ipod with my own music ripped using the lossless codec. As far as RayCT goes, I run into folks like him now and then. I run a multi-million $ business on macs sprinkled with a few pc's. I've watched the ms fanboys for years and it is something you just can't explain. LOL. I watched as my accountant, who hated all things not ms (ms os is the only business os he would say) install his printer drivers daily so he could prints tax returns. He did this for 3 years. My point being, you can't give a Hatfield or a McCoy a BMW because they have Chevy ingrained in their genes. They have no concept of Elegance. You know, elegance in the way things just work. All the time. No problems. Just work. They just don't get it so they get lock jaw when it comes to a rational dicsussion. I myself, have held a zune in my hand. I myself have visited the website. I myself have already read about the "social" sharing capabilities. I myself am embarassed with the product given the money and time ms has had to do something. Their only chance will be a WMP vs Quicktime type scheme wherein ms disables iTunes in vista and makes zune the default player. You know, like they did against Quicktime, Real and Java. And the lemmings like RayCT will follow. Like I said, you can't teach class to the Hatfields or the McCoys.
I'm impressed that a product that's quite so new in town has inspired such deep emotional investment. Perhaps it's a byproduct of XBox ownership: gaming attracts or inspires the partisan, although Apple doesn't have a dog in that particular fight and I've yet to detect any sort of iPod backlash elsewhere.
alecbaldwin, johnnywalker2001, rayct, xxdesmus, if you want to say that you have no relationship with Microsoft (apart from being delighted owners of Zunes and other fine products from the Redmond stable, of course) it'll give your arguments far more weight.
Alternatively, if you do have some sort of connection with the company, it's probably fairer if you do declare an interest.
(I don't know if Zune Masterhood or similar programs include Jedi training in blog-to-blog fighting, nor - if they do - whether that includes a principle of disclosure. I'll ask MS US after the weekend).
R
Actually I hadn't thought about that...
Before the Zune was launched there was much talk that Microsoft would "buy" the songs you had purchased on itunes and simply let you reload those purchased songs on the Zune.
I'm wondering if MS are holding out for some kind of legal response where, say, a European driven ruling forces Apple to provide cross compatibility with their player...
Could be more involved than we think :-)
Rupert -
I have no ‘relationship’ with Microsoft. I do have three Windows machines (two running XP Pro, one running Vista), but I also have two Macs, and seventeen Linux machines (one client machine and a server farm of 16); and I use them all about equally. I am the first to admit that not all of Microsoft’s products are great (or even good), but many are and should be evaluated fairly. I won’t support bashing a product on the grounds of the reputation of the company that makes it.
Like all technically-minded people, I keep up with all (or most) of the latest technology, which does include Microsoft’s products.
I have no association with the Zune or Xbox brands (I haven’t even _considered_ buying an Xbox). I have owned an iPod and was less impressed than many of my friends, especially when it refused to start up, froze often, and wouldn’t play most of my music (surprisingly, many of the complaints that come up against Windows).
I’m not a ‘Ballmer,’ where I forbid my kids from using an iPod or Google. If I had any, they could use any media player that they wanted.
I don’t see how anyone could think I’m a Microsoft ‘Lemming’ from my objective response to the original article, maybe it’s that an Apple ‘Lemming’ felt threatened. Either way, I have no affiliation with Microsoft and, other than using their and many other companies’ products, have no plans to start one.
Ray -
Sounds like you got a bad iPod. Apple is certainly capable of selling a lemon. Did you get it exchanged? And the music it wouldn't play, was it stuff that it should have played, or was there a data format it didn't manage?
R
It probably was an exception in the iPod product line. Apple claimed that their warranty didn't cover the problem, and because I got it for free, I didn't pursue getting it replaced. The music in question was in MP3 and AAC formats and would play in at least three different media player applications application on all of the Mac, PC, and Lunux boxes. I haven't run into any of these problems on the Zune (or BlackJack).
(this is odd, some of my comments are posted three times; maybe this has something to do with the great distance between myself and ZDNet's servers - any ideas?)
This comment has been deleted at the users request
This comment has been deleted at the users request
Well, I am not a paid voice nor am I a fan of MicroCopy but I read through these posts thinking about the comments. One thing. The ipod is a fantastic device that continues to evolve. EVERYONE is trying to copy its simplistic operating and better on or "one-up" features (about the only way to go) when it is simply what it is. I am in the US and a tech user and work in tech. It is easy to identify good product. It is also easy to identify copies and poor implementation. Just recently the propaganda campaigns have begun (just before the Holidays) in the US against ipod batteries not lasting like other players - a 2 year old issue that was solved. Microsoft is a master at strong marketing of POOR products and getting the ignorant masses to buy-in. Much of Vista's new feature set are based on the OSX system 2 years running and the system will, like all other releases be a behemoth and full of bugs that the users will have to solve. Nevermind the fact that we will HAVE to run dual virus scans. We will need faster processors just to run all the anti-virus and spyware checkers required. Microsoft in the past would buy out the support companies or the actual companies of products they could not "beat" and shut them down. Hmm. do I smell monopoly? Personally as a windows user and an ipod user and a mac user (especially on internet) I look for the best product and use it without alligence to any one company but, I will defend a good product.
I'm just a guy who's iPod went bad way too soon. There are things wrong with iPod: non-replacable battery, it stopped working way too soon, umm...That's about all I can think of. My wife bought me a Zune because she HATES MAC. I can user either Mac or Windows- I don't really care. But this Zune thing really sucks. I had a terrible time installing the software. When I checked online, other people have the same problem. It doesn't handle podcasts. I can't get it to update the Zune player - it just stops. Often, I get an error message, with a button for web help; then there is no web help, or the software locks up. The software says I have 2.3 Gig left on the player, even though the player says I have about 27 Gig left. I'm very frustrated with it. What are the defenders of Zune basing their arguements on? pure hatred of Apple? The only good thing about it is the integrated radio - but I can buy a tiny, portable radio at the Dollar Store, and save $300 - because my Zune ain't doing much else.
no you cant make a joke Rupert not when there are americans on the internet, who dont understand sarcasm let alone humor....and who have the wildest feeling that they have a right to attack anyone elses opinion on the basis of thier own self importance. Just be careful next time or one might try to sue you :D
Peace & Hugs
Brian
Oh btw im not a "fanboy" whatever that means, i dont own either and i dont appreciate these bloody onesided bullshit analasys when im trying to find a unbiased reviews on a product :S
