Rupert Goodwins

Mixed Signals

Any sufficiently advanced information is indistinguishable from noise

Friday 2 March 2007, 1:21 AM

A Futurology Timeline Translator

If you're up early tomorrow and watching BBC Breakfast, there's a good chance you'll catch Diary pal Adrian on there, dissecting a report from South Korea on what technology does next.

Futurology is a strange mutant of an ology, an unholy mix of science, reportage, extrapolation, guesswork, wishful thinking and PR (although that might reasonably apply to PR all by itself. Well, minus the science). For those versed in the cynical arts, it's also a bit wearying - it triages into the blatantly obvious, the frankly implausible and the unknowably distant. It does have its uses, though: it's a good hook for discussion (hence Ade's undoubtedly thoughtful contributions to the enlightenment of the morning millions) and it sometimes offers the opportunity to scare small children with the threat of Captain Cyborg.

To help you fully appreciate this unique medium, ZDNet UK is proud to present a cut-out-and-keep (or, if you're actually in the future, a scan-and-neurally-embed) timeline translation table from Futurese to English.

In the next two to three years: I saw it in a shop in Japan
In five years' time: Someone said they could do it in two
In ten years' time: Nobody has the slightest idea, but it might work one day
In twenty five years time: In 1982 you thought loading Jet Set Willy from tape to a ZX Spectrum was cool. Now you're using a dual-core laptop to download porn from Australia via megabit wireless. What's not to believe about giant tartan cryonic brains hovering above every desk in Luton by 2032?
By 2050: Like they'll be running this clip on 'I Love 2007' unless I come up with something completely hatstand. Holidays on Betelgeuse all round!