People often say to me: Rupert, how may I play the Intel Drinking Game?

I mentioned earlier that certain uncouth hacks (OK, me and Mike Magee - now there's a song title) had concocted the Moore's Law Drinking Game, for use during Intel presentations, IDF keynotes, Horizon specials on semiconductors, and so on.

At the time, it was a crude and dangerous idea - in other words, perfect in every way. However, in the spirit of true brother- and sisterhood, continued interest in the concept has led me to develop it further. With these new rules it can be indulged in without danger of immediate death - yes, even at IDF keynotes -- by PRs, industry executives and members of the press who may have more delicate constitutions. Even Australians may play.

Pay attention. Here we go.

The Intel Drinking Game
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The Intel Drinking Game is a simple amusement. There are two variants, the Itanium and the Xeon, also known as The Moore The Merrier and Gordon Bennett respectively.

Both are designed to be played wherever someone is talking publicly about semiconductors. Some safeguards may be taken by judicious choice of the starting drink (the "Noyce"), but once the game's afoot no further variation is allowed.

Both variants share the basic rule of the game: every time the presenter mentions Moore's Law, a drink must be taken. The first time this happens, one Noyce must be consumed in one go. The variants diverge thereafter.

In the Itanium variant, each further mention of the Law means another drink must be taken, but it must be twice the size of the previous drink while remaining at the same strength.

In the Xeon variant, each drink must be the same size as the original, but twice the strength of that previously. Clearly, there is an upper limit to this: once you're at absinthe, there's nowhere else to go. If the game is still in play at this point, players must enter the Core 2 Duo mode, where you return to the initial Noyce but taking two drinks per hit, thence Quad Core, etc.

As you can see, setting the initial size and strength of the Noyce will enable anyone from the most abstemious to the grotesquely dipsomaniacal to compete - a most equitable system of handicapping.

In compliance with advice from the Portman Group and the Department of Health regarding binge drinking, it is important to state that abuse of the Intel Drinking Game may have adverse consequences on your reporting, your social skills and your ability to remain alive until the end of the keynote.

Enjoy the game, but please -- drink competitively. (shurely 'sensibly'? Community Ed.)