It's not what you know...

An unusually quiet morning in BitSmith towers is rudely interrupted by a summons to the top floor. A prestigious private school has just been on the phone. Their Internet connection is dead, and they have a big ceremony in two days at which they propose to wow some VIP's with the technological prowess of their newly refurbished school. The schools ICT service provider blames the ISP. The ISP denies all responsibility. I point out that we didn't provide any IT input previously, but the school principal is a friend of our esteemed leader, so would I like to go along and have a look? Up here on the top floor, it's not what you know, it's who you know.

Some time later I find St. Precocious at the end of a long leafy avenue lined with the sort of houses you'd swap yours for. I lower the tone of the establishment simply by parking the bitmobile out front. I meet the deputy head who ushers me to a newly built computer lab.

Within minutes, it's clear all is well on the LAN side. I learn they lost connectivity yesterday while the builders were taking down the scaffolding. Clue #1. Next stop is the router, which plaintively complains that is has no DSL signal. Clue #2. We rapidly locate the fixed wireless access dish bearing the name of a provider with a reputation for appalling customer service. Worse, there's about 8 feet of cable dangling from the base of the pole. Doubt we'll need Columbo for this one.

I rack my brains, but cannot think of anyone I know who's even vaguely connected with the ISP in question. With some trepidation, I call the ISP's help desk, and immediately get through to somewhere on the Indian sub-continent. After a brief proof-of-credentials exchange, I'm put on hold. Less than a minute later I'm through to a technician who asks me to explain the problem which, obviously, doesn't take long. Then, just when it was all going so well...

Tech Support - "Are you at your PC now?"
BitSmith - "No, I'm standing on a flat roof looking at your wireless dish"
TS - "OK, I need you to go to the PC"
BS - "Err... Why?"
TS - "We need to run some tests to establish what's wrong"
BS - "But I've just explained to you that the cable from the dish has been cut"
TS - "Yes Sir, I understand that, but first we have to do some tests"
BS - "But there's no point, the cable has been cut, and we need to get someone out to repair it"
TS - "I'm sorry sir, but if you could just go to the PC..."

It takes several attempts, but eventually I manage to to convince the sceptical techie that no amount of testing is going to fix this one...

TS - "OK Sir, in this case you need to contact Customer Services, not Technical Support.
BS - "I see, so can you transfer me please?"
TS - "No Sir, I can't do it from here, I'm afraid you'll have to call them directly"

Suffice to say that after several fruitless calls to the ISP's laughably titled "Customer Service" line, we're still no closer to having one of their installers out to repair the cable.

I give up and start calling some contacts, who in turn called some other people. Some time later I get a call back from from a pleasant chap who works for the ISP in question. I explain the problem, and he's got it in one. He passes me on to his colleague who dispatches an installation crew to repair the cable by close of business.

Out here in the world of cut-throat outsourcing, it's not what you know, it's who you know.